What do you mean I’m difficult?

Speaking for myself, and probably for anyone else who knows me well, I guess I can be difficult.  When I first heard myself described this way I was outraged and perplexed, but after I thought about it I realized I resembled that description. Oh well, deal with.

Here is a litany of my epiphanies: those realizations which caused me to agree with my detractors:

1)    First of all, as a general rule, I am impossible to agree with. There’s no point taking my side; I have already contradicted myself or changed my mind. No point in disagreeing with me either, for the same reason.

2)    I have a problem agreeing with anyone else’s opinions about anything also. This probably started when I was on the debate team in high school and apparently I never grew out of it. It’s not that I’m a snob or anything, but other people’s opinions just count, well, less.

3)    I love to argue. It really doesn’t matter about what, or why; I just like to argue. I don’t mean I like to be mean. Well, okay, maybe a little, but I deplore violence on any level. I just like to get people’s juices flowing.

4)    I consider myself to be the premier contrarian. I don’t try to argue day into night… But just about. I’m somewhat proud that I can manage to find something wrong with everything. Sometimes it is difficult to find something wrong with a beautiful day, but more than once I have risen to the occasion.

5)    I don’t like people to fuss over me. Get away from my long and bushy eyebrows, or my earwigs. These are signs of character and wisdom. And don’t even think about approaching my nose with clippers. Someone could get hurt that way.

6)    I don’t pussyfoot around anymore. People’s feelings used to matter to me; that was before my own feelings were crushed by those same people. I say it the way I see it and I don’t care who believes it. I’m Carlin to the core, don’t need to say no more.

‘nough said.

So I’m going down without a frown. By now you’ve guessed my tongue is stuck in my cheek and I’m of an “advanced” age. However, my mind is still sharp enough to poke fun at myself, my friends, and you. By the way, how are you doing?

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