By Aurelia Williams, author of Getting out of the SuperMom Trap

Mothers are expected to possess huge hearts, big shoulders, a minimum of 3 hands, all the answers and the list goes on! What many mothers forget is they are not born with super hero powers to handle all of those things at once.

Mom = Stress. It’s a fact of life. Reducing stress is of the utmost importance to everyone, but especially mothers – and precisely why I put together my guide for moms on Getting out of the SuperMom Trap.

You know stress can lead to depression, heart disease, and an unhealthy mom. Did you also know your stress, if not handled correctly, can have a negative impact on your children too?

The most important things in a mother’s life, her children, are also the most influential. Children are sponges and everything Mom does they will, at some point in time in their lives, mimic. If children see their mother constantly stressed out, they will be more inclined to follow those patterns. What you do today can determine the kind of life your child will lead tomorrow, including how you make it a point to reduce stressful situations.

Mothers tend to overload themselves, which in turn overloads their children. Adults move at a much faster pace and their bodies are more adept to handle the speed of life. Children, on the other hand, are not able to function this way, which can lead to developmental and behavior problems in the long run if constantly pushed to keep up with an adult’s quicker pace.

Studies have shown a mother who is under excessive amounts of stress will hand out harsher punishments than one who is not. Prolonged stress can cause a mother to get to the point that she feels overwhelmed and will not stop to think before handing down discipline. This type of behavior teaches children it is ok to let your mood control your life as a parent

Children need to feel a sense of security and know that their mom is there to help them work through and understand the stressful times in their lives. If children are not taught what stress is and why it is a part of their lives, they will never learn how to reduce it, therefore leading them down a path of unhappiness and unhealthy choices. Give them the tools early about how to deal with stress and more importantly, how to reduce the amount of stress that occurs in their lives.

There is no one who lives an entirely stress-free life. In fact, you shouldn’t want your children to have a life with absolutely no stress. The day will come that a stressful situation occurs and they will have no idea how to cope with it, which is cause for an extremely negative outcome.

As a mother you must show your children that stress does not have to control your life. Mother’s have a tendency to try and do it all; even when they know they are not capable. STOP! Make a point, each day, to reduce your stress levels. Eliminating just one stressful situation can make a world of difference in the way you feel and how your children handle stress as adults.

Need More Help?

Sometimes removing stress and the overwhelm is easier said than done. Pick up your copy of Real Life Guidance to Getting out of the SuperMom Trap. It includes practical ideas to help you get rid of the guilt, the stress and enjoy your life. Click here to learn more and instantly download your copy.

By Aurelia Williams, author of Finding More Family Time

As a parent, you are familiar with the concept of “family time,” but have you ever sat down and thought about why it is important and the benefits it brings to both you and your children’s lives?

Many of today’s families are very busy. Most households need two incomes to survive. Some parents even hold down two or more jobs in order to make ends meet. Many parents feel out of balance when it comes to their working and family time and it’s one of the reasons I created the Finding More Family Time guide.

These feelings can lead to stress and anxiety. As you know, stress and anxiety lead to other health problems, such as head aches, irritability, depression, high blood pressure, and other ailments.

The time your children spend with you gives them many benefits. Spending time as a family provides your children with feelings of love, support, security and safety.

The various activities you engage in during family time provide your children with opportunities to learn new behaviors and skills. For example, teach younger children the alphabet by making a game out of it. If your elementary age child is learning about pollination, go for a walk and point out the many types of flowers you find.

Spending time with your middle school and high school aged children allows you to stay connected with them and to help them ward off peer pressure. When your child feels a connection to you and the morals you have taught them, they won’t have a high need for acceptance from peers. Your teen will be able to take pride in themselves and stand up for their own convictions.

Spending time together as a family can also be beneficial to your marriage. It’s no secret that the nation’s divorce rate is quite high. Family time isn’t just about a parent spending time with their children; it’s also about spouses spending time together. When both partners are actively making time for one another, the marriage will be stronger and less likely to fold.

While the importance of family time is clear; it isn’t always easy to find the time needed to enjoy family time. There are resources to help you, such as the report “Real Life Guidance: Finding More Family Time.” This report goes over many ways to help you find more family time and it also provides some fun (and inexpensive) ideas for how to spend your time together.

Need More Help?

Find even more family ideas in the Real Life Guidance to Finding More Family Time Guide. This practical guide will show you how to set reasonable expectations for all family members, balance work and life, get organized and more. Click here for more info.

By Aurelia Williams, author of Finding More Family Time

You hear the complaints everyday from different people about how busy their lives are with work and after school activities. They never have any family time together because everybody is just so B-U-S-Y.

Rather than falling into the category of the “busy family who does not talk to each other,” simply take 30 minutes a day to reconnect with your family members. Here are some simple ideas you can use to form a family bond (and there are more in my instantly downloadable guide, Finding More Family Time):

1. Turn off the television. Focus your full attention on your spouse or child. Having someone’s undivided attention will boost your self-esteem no matter what your age.

2. Take a walk down memory lane. Laughing at the old-style fashions in the photo albums is a fabulous way to relive funny moments or to honor a beloved relative who has passed away.

3. Worship together. Daily prayer brings joy to the soul, helps us become more compassionate toward others and helps us to understand that life is precious.

4. Prepare meals together. Teach your kids that “the kitchen is the heart of the home.” Let your older children plan the dinner menu once a week and assign each family member a job so everyone has a chance to help.

5. Eat dinner together. Sit together at the table with no other distractions and learn about everyone’s day. Approach these discussions with openness and you will likely learn about the important events in your child’s life.

6. Plan an adventure. Head off for parts unknown with a map, a picnic lunch and a full tank of gas. Laugh when you make a wrong turn and hand off the map to see if another sibling can find their way home.

7. Go on dates. Parents should plan regular “dates” with each child individually. Sharing one-on-one time with each child makes him or her feel like they don’t have to compete with a sibling in order to be heard.

8. Enjoy the great outdoors. Taking the dog for a walk or riding your bikes around the park will give your family extra time to talk as well as keep the family healthy. To keep the activities new and fresh, let each family member choose an activity.

9. Exercise together. Working toward a common health goal as a team is easier than tackling a large goal all by yourself. Many gyms offer family memberships and you can share your experiences and your successes along your way to good health.

10. Plan a family fun night at home. Entertainment and quality family fun does not have to cost anything. Pull out some dusty board games, teach the kids a new card game or have dinner and a movie.
As the old saying goes, take some time to smell the roses and put your family first. No activity should be placed above spending time with the family. What a shame it would be to raise a child to adulthood and yet not truly know that person.

Need More Help?

Find even more family ideas in the Real Life Guidance to Finding More Family Time Guide. This practical guide will show you how to set reasonable expectations for all family members, balance work and life, get organized and more. Click here for more info.

By Aurelia Williams, author of Finding More Family Time

Family time is becoming an activity that is rarely seen these days with both parents working and not enough time to spend with the kids. In many homes these days, children are booked with activities spanning from school, to sports to church and parents are busy with work. It seems that it gets harder and harder to schedule valuable family time.

Well, it’s time to change that. Even though life seems hectic and you may feel this just can’t be done; it is possible if you put your mind to it. Find at least one night a week where all of you can get together and do something fun as a family. If you’re new to the family night thing and don’t know what to do; here are some ideas to help you get started (and there are more in my instantly downloadable guide, Real Life Guidance to Finding More Family Time):

Play a board game - Scrabble and Monopoly are popular board games that the whole family can play together. You can have fun teaching your kids new words or how to count money, while having fun. Let your kids win once in awhile. They would like nothing more than to be able to win against their own parents and have fun taunting you about it as well. This will help them want to look forward to the next family night, so they can beat you again.

Fly a Kite -If the weather is nice, try going to your Local Park and flying kites. It’s a nice fun activity that doesn’t cost much to do and keeps your kids active, instead of them sitting in front of a T.V. playing their video games.

Play Sports – Spend some time outside and shoot some baskets or play catch with a baseball. Sports activities are a good way to get your kids and yourselves exercising. Sports make exercising more fun than doing a regular routine of walking or running.

Baking - If the weather is bad outside and you need to find something to do inside, spend that time baking cookies or brownies. You could try out a new recipe or just have fun making an old favorite. The kids can get involved with decorating the cookies if their too young to do much else. While you’re waiting for the cookies or whatever you’re making to get done, you can play a game of charades and act out your favorite things to see if everyone else can guess.

Scrapbooking - Have some fun photos of the family that you want to do something fun with? Scrapbooking is an excellent way for a family to get together and showcase those photos in a unique way. It’s a way for your children to use their creativity by creating the pages that the photos will be placed on.

There are many more activities a family could do together, but these will help you get started. Once you get into it, you’ll find your own activities to do. If you set aside the same night every week, for family time, such as Wednesday night; your family can plan a week ahead of time what you will do for the next family night. Make it a tradition and get the family back together again.

Need More Help?

Find even more family ideas in the Real Life Guidance to Finding More Family Time Guide. This practical guide will show you how to set reasonable expectations for all family members, balance work and life, get organized and more. Click here for more info.

By Aurelia Williams, author of Getting out of the SuperMom Trap
A few generations ago, children were commonly expected to help around the house. When society was mainly based on agricultural endeavors, children were expected to help around the farm as well. Our society has changed and so has our expectation of our children. Learning to delegate household chores to children can benefit both the children and the parents.

Let’s admit it, mom and dad work hard all day. Facing household chores in the evening can take away time that should be spent with kids, stress you out or just add another burden to your otherwise overloaded to do list – something I talk about extensively in Getting out of the SuperMom Trap. Delegating household chores between all the occupants of the house seems only fair. There are jobs around the house even the smallest child can do.

Chores are great for the kids as well. Though they may complain, forget or otherwise try to find ways out of chores they do benefit from them. They are taught responsibility, essential life skills and even some reasoning skills. Learning to do dishes or laundry is essential to any child. They need to be able to do these on their own some day so they may as well start doing these at home. It also gives them a feeling of accomplishment.

What chores kids can do, really depends on the age and the ability of that child. You may want to do the chore with them to begin with. Show them the correct way, then let them try it with your supervision. If they do ok, assign them this chore. Always follow up and make sure their chores are done and done correctly. Remember they are kids and are just learning.

Preschoolers can perform the basic chores. They can learn to pick up after themselves. Take care of their toys, make their beds and this kind of chore is ideal.

Older from 6 to 9 children can do all this plus learn to take care of the pets, fold and take care of laundry and even learn to vacuum and sweep floors.

Children for 10 to 13 can take on even more responsibility. They can do dishes, clean the bathrooms and even learn to cook simple meals with supervision.

Once they have reached the age of 14 consider more responsibility. Laundry can be done by older children as well as car care, preparing meals or any other chore that parents feel they are capable of doing.

Some children are more adapt at helping around the household than others. Children who want to learn to cook and clean should be encouraged. Supervising young children around the stove and other hot appliances is essential, but they should be allowed to try these things when they feel they are ready.

With the question of chores comes the question of allowance. This is a very popular subject in many a child’s mind. There are different theories as to who should get allowance, how much and what for.

Sit down and discuss with your child their responsibilities around the house. Talk to them about how much they think these chores are worth. Teach them that their time and effort is worth something, but they have to be realistic. Let them be part of the decision of allowances and what chores are parts of that.

Parents are responsible for teaching their children important life skills. Teaching them how to keep up a house and themselves should be included. Show them it is a team effort to keep the house running smoothly. Everyone pitching in to keep a comfortable, clean house will show them it is worth the effort.

Need More Help?

If you’re looking to raise more independent and self-sufficient children – plus…get yourself out of the this important guide.

By Aurelia Williams, author of Finding More Family Time

With our busy life styles, finding family time can be hard. Most homes these days are two income homes. Kids are booked with activities from school to church to sports. The older the children are, the harder it seems to schedule family time with everyone in one place.

Family time is an important bonding time. It helps parents stay in touch with what is going on in their kid’s lives. It helps the children bond with each other and their parents. It is a significant element in families that is often pushed off to another time.

What qualifies as family time is up to your family (and I have plenty of tips for you in my Finding More Family Time guide). Not every family can enjoy a trip to Disney or fancy resort. While these are great getaways for the family, they are not the only way to enjoy time with your family. Look for opportunities for everyday family times.

Something as simple as a family dinner is great family time. Though it is often hard to schedule, do this as often as possible. If only a few times a week, it is a great time to gather your children around the table and talk about their day, what is on their minds or things that are happening in their lives or yours.

Even if only one parent can be present, show the children that you care enough to share a meal with them. A bucket of chicken with the fixings, shared together at the picnic table in the backyard, is a great family time.

Find a hobby that parents and children all enjoy. It can be stamp collect or roller hockey, just something that you all enjoy doing. You can find a new activity or enjoy an older love that you haven’t found the time to enjoy lately. The point is to share that time with family. It can be a hobby that is done at home or one that gets you all out of the house together.

Start walking or working out together with your kids. Most parents have goals of getting fitter. This may include walking, running or working out at the gym. Make this a family activity. Walking and hiking are great activities for the family to enjoy together. It is a great time to talk to your children while you are hiking along. It has the side benefit of sharing and teaching the kids about living healthy as well.

Institute a family fun night. A night at home watching movies, solving puzzles or playing board games is a great time for all family members. Let the kids take turns picking out the games or movies each week. Kids really enjoy these activities and doing them with Mom and Dad is even more fun.

You can turn any activity into family time, if it involves family members. Make a shopping trip a fun family time adventure. Get the kids involved. These can be bonding experiences for everyone. Show kids that you are interested in them and who they are becoming.

Need More Help?

Find even more family ideas in the Real Life Guidance to Finding More Family Time Guide. This practical guide will show you how to set reasonable expectations for all family members, balance work and life, get organized and more. Click here for more info.

By Aurelia Williams, author of Balancing Work and Family

For moms who work from home, balancing the home and business sides of their lives can feel downright impossible, especially when the reason they began working from home was so they could spend more time with family.

However, many home businesses actually fail because moms don’t manage to balance business and home life. How can you juggle your family’s needs, your business needs and occasionally find some time for your needs without being a super hero?

The first thing any mom should do to achieve balance is to get the family involved. If your children and husband support you, you will find that they interrupt less often and are more likely to pitch in to get household chores done. You’re probably thinking that will happen the day the moon turns to blue cheese, right?

However, if you mention that you need to get a major project done and will be able to buy a pizza and rent a video when you are paid, you may be surprised at how quickly everyone pitches in to help out.

If you have young children, they may not be able to understand the concept of waiting for a reward. To get your younger children involved, try explaining what you are doing in very simple terms and having them help you.

Set up a small desk or table for your toddlers and add crayons and paper so they can help you with your work by drawing some pictures or writing a letter. Children that are a bit older can put stamps on envelopes and seal them, paperclip papers together or do other simple organizational tasks.

Of course, no matter how supportive your family and friends are, they are not going to be happy if you work 15 hours a day.

Make sure that you ask for uninterrupted time to do your job or run your business, but also make sure that you schedule time for your family and friends. While you are making up that schedule, don’t forget your significant other. If you sit at your computer all evening after the children are tucked away for the night, you may end up with some serious relationship issues!

Once your family and friends are involved and you’ve scheduled time for them in your life, it is time to consider a few ways to make the most of your valuable work time.

While you may be tempted to work non-stop during the time you have dedicated to your business, you should actually try to take some breaks. Taking a half-hour walk or having lunch away from your desk can really help you recharge your mind and keeps your body from growing stiff and tired. When you sit back down, you can do so with a clearer view of your goals and fresh energy and focus.

Also, don’t be afraid to make a “to do” list for your business. Write the four or five items you absolutely must do on your list and promise yourself that you will get them done before you visit your favorite forums or check your email. This can really help you get more work accomplished in less time.

So, although you may not have super powers, you can still have a home life, a business life and some time for yourself. The next time you are feeling overwhelmed, take a deep breath, ask your family for some help and try out a few of these great ideas for balancing your life.

Get More Help:

Working at home can be extremely rewarding, but it’s challenging. Get the help you need with Real Life Guidance to Balancing Work and Family. It’s your practical guide to tracking your time, setting priorities, learning to say no and achieving that balance you strive for.

By Aurelia Williams, author of Getting out of the SuperMom Trap

Mommy guilt is one of the most common feelings mothers go through at some time. Moms will feel guilt for not being able to provide the very best for their children. This makes them see themselves as inferior at being a parent as other moms. Just remember that you are not alone. There are many other moms who go through the same thing. Here are some ways to help combat the mommy guilt before it takes over your self esteem.

Be nice to yourself – Every mom has experienced a moment, when raising their child, where something happened to them that made the mom feel like it was their fault. This is probably one of the most popular forms of mommy guilt ever. Your child falls and bruises their knee; your immediate reaction is to berate yourself as a mother.

“I’m a terrible mother,” is how it usually begins. Be kind to yourself, because you are a good mother and nobody needs to be a SuperMom – it’s not good for anyone. Things will happen with your child and no matter how hard you try to provide for the safest environment possible, things will still happen. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad mother.

Release the need to control everything – Remind yourself that you are not in control of everything that happens to your child. A part of growing up is learning from mistakes. The harder you try to keep them from everything bad out there, the harder they will ultimately fight you on it.

Even though you are an involved parent and see after your child, there is no way you can prevent some things from happening. Just spend that energy on being there for your child to help them through life and not try so hard to control it.

Trust yourself – You are the best person for the tough job called ‘Mommy’ to your child. Don’t second-guess yourself. When your intuition says that your child shouldn’t be doing something; then learn to trust it and stand firm. Don’t give in just because you don’t want them mad at you. Your internal leads are there for a reason.

Don’t cave in to guilt trips – Kids like to take their parents down guilt trip lane. We all want our children to have and do whatever they want, but it’s not always the safest or best thing for them. When you make a decision, stick to your guns.

Don’t allow others to influence your parental decisions – It’s typical for other parents to offer unwarranted advice. While it’s nice to receive other’s opinions on something about your child, you are ultimately the one who will need to make the decision. If you are faced with this kind of circumstance; clearly tell them that you appreciate their opinion and will keep it in mind, but don’t let them influence you too much on your decisions.

You know your child, better than anyone, so you are the one that will know what’s best for them. All parents as well as kids make mistakes, so it’s important not to let yourself doubt your mothering abilities. You’re raising your kids the best you can, so it’s time to start believing in yourself.

Need More Help?

If you’re looking to raise more independent and self-sufficient children – plus…get yourself out of the SuperMom Trap, grab a copy of this important guide.

Stress Management Tips for Moms

By Aurelia Williams, Certified Life Coach

Let’s Face it, every mom has had one of “those days”. The baby is feed and dry but very fussy, your child forgot to tell you about a science project that is due tomorrow and hands you a list of 10 things that you must get from the store, you forgot the roast in the oven and now it is dry and your husband just called to say that he is stuck at the office… again! After a day like this, it can be very hard to keep your stress level low. With each passing minute you may feel your stress and irritability rising, your patience getting shorter and your fuse about to blow! Calgon Take Me Away!!

When you feel the need to escape and take a few minutes to yourself to de-stress, follow some (if not all) of the tips I share with my own coaching clients below.

Put yourself in time out: Allow some alone time for yourself. Use this time to focus on you. Find a place in your home that you can go to and find privacy. You can ask your partner or a friend to take the family out for a few hours while you enjoy your alone time. Do nothing, sleep, read, watch a movie, and just enjoy your solitude.

Call a Friend: Rather than yelling at your husband or your children, try picking up the phone and vent to a friend. Be sure not to vent AT her, but rather tell her about your day and get it all out. If she offers you some advice, listen and soak it in. This mini-time out session will leave you feeling heard, de-stressed and you will find that by the end of your call some of you anger will have dissipated.

Play: As adults, we sometimes forget the beneficial value of play. Play stimulates our imagination, encourages our creativity, boosts our energy, and best of all, it is fun. Try a game of tennis, a game of cards online or perhaps invite some friends over for an evening of adult board games.

Meditate: Meditation has been proven to reduce your blood pressure, and helps to dramatically reduce your stress level. Meditation and/or prayer will help you to keep in touch with your spiritual side. Meditation is a very effective method of relaxation. To meditate, quiet your mind and allow yourself to focus on one thing, such as your breath. Find a relaxed comfortable position where Try visualizing good health and peace as you inhale. While you are breathing out breathe out all of your stress. Set aside approximately 20 minutes for this exercise. Upon completion, you will see just how much more relaxed your mind and body is.

Take a nap: Find a quiet, comfortable spot and take a nap. Even a short power nap can leave you feeling refreshed, renewed, and more focused. Studies have shown that people who spent 30 minutes each day napping had one third less heart disease than those who didn’t nap.

Eat: Not just anything but certain things. Studies show that certain foods can help reduce stress. Carbohydrates will actually soothe you. Good sources of carbohydrates include rice, pasta, potatoes, breads, air-popped popcorn and low-calorie cookies. Experts suggest that the carbohydrates present in just one baked potato or a cup of spaghetti or white rice, is enough to relieve the anxiety of a stressful day.

Movie Time: If you don’t have anyone to watch the children for you while you de-stress. Put in one of their favorite movies, supply your children with a few healthy snacks, and have them occupy themselves for a little while so that you can take a breather.

Don’t feel guilty for taking time out to rejuvenate your mind and body. Being a mom is not an easy task and it is a full time job. Take a break when you need it and be sure to ask for help to keep the stress at bay.

Next Steps:

If you need an extra hand getting what you want out of life, contact Certified Life Coach, Aurelia Williams. She’ll help you design a life that allows you to reach your business and personal goals; cultivate more fulfilling relationships and that elusive achieve work/life balance you’ve been striving for.

Click here to learn more about her coaching program.

By Aurelia Williams, author of Balancing Work and Family

The trend of moms working from home to be near their children has grown in the last couple of years. Now that they have found jobs or businesses to run, they’re starting to realize that working from home is not as easy as they thought it would be. The work they do is hard to separate form their personal lives, which makes it hard to schedule time for work responsibilities and home duties.

The workspace these moms use to do their jobs at ends up being a part of their household, so that makes dividing work and home life even more difficult to do – and one of the motivating reasons for creating my Balancing Work and Family guide. Imagine that your office is a part of the dining room, which also happens to be the room where you eat your meals as a family. How easy is it going to be for you to leave your work life to be with your family when the office is 5 feet away from the dinner table?

The realities of dividing work and personal life can get smudged for work at home moms. When that happens, one’s stress level is sure to rise, which could jeopardize one’s sanity. To prevent your sanity from leaving, you should find ways to ensure that separation takes place between your job/business and your family life.

Assess the current situation. Try to find an area, within your home, to have your office so that it won’t interfere with your family life. The home office needs a room with a door where you can be apart from the rest of the house. A den or a garage can be converted into office space that is exclusive to your business. Some people have resorted to placing their office in the laundry room, just because it has a door! When that is not an option, set up shop in your bedroom to keep it away from the family areas.

Organization is the next step. A messy desk can be a huge distraction when trying to work. Everything needs to have its place. If you worked in an office, your boss would not stand for a messy work space. There’s no difference when you’re office is at home and not at the worksite.

Use inexpensive organizing items, such as baskets with separate compartments to help organize the odds and ends on your desk. You can keep rubber stamps, letters, invoices, pens, pencils, and the like in here. Organization makes finding things much easier, which results in a more relaxed work day.

Keep your business phone separate from the family phone line. When using the same line, you run the risk of your children answering business calls or picking up the phone during a conference call. This causes your professionalism to fly right out the window and takes your customers or employers along with it.

The same goes for the computer. It’s best to keep your business computer separate from what the other family members use, but budgets don’t always allow for this. In that case, make sure that the business/job files and documents can’t be easily accessed by anyone but you. This will help prevent some of the stress that could be brought on by family members stumbling on a client’s important document and accidentally deleting them.

Be sure to use calendars or planners as they are very helpful when trying to keep track of business appointments or deadlines and family appointments. This will lessen the stress of setting up family appointments when you’ve forgotten about business deadlines you have.

Consider hiring a sitter on days you have a lot of work to do. Being a work at home mom gives you the benefit of controlling your own schedule. Having a sitter keeps the kids away from your office and gives you quiet time to focus on your work and gives your kids a chance to have fun without you feeling too guilty.

Mixing business with family in the home setting can be a major source of stress. Keeping the business side of your life organized and separate is crucial to success in keeping your stress levels down and your sanity intact.

Get More Help:

Working at home can be extremely rewarding, but it’s challenging. Get the help you need with Real Life Guidance to Balancing Work and Family. It’s your practical guide to tracking your time, setting priorities, learning to say no and achieving that balance you strive for.